Monday, September 12, 2011
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I love it when a portrait comes together. So many pets, so little time... I try to capture the personality and sometimes, mischievous nature of your beloved pet. Many are done in memory and all are loved. See: danspetportraits.blogspot.com
‘If I only Had Thumbs’ / A Dogumentary
It’s 6:00 am, and I’m rarin’ to go...and I mean RARIN’ to GO! I’ve gotta' head for the bushes and these bozos are still fast asleep. I know they don’t like me talking to them this early, but I’m desperate! Maybe a friendly little lick. Well that didn’t work; how about a low-key whine... Aw, c’mon guys, I really gotta’ go! You’re leaving me no choice. I’m goin’ for the heavy artillery...BARKBARKBARK!! Well finally...a response! I’m good to go, just as soon as I scrape them off the ceiling, dress them and track down their slippers. I’m the only one who knows where they are. A little game I play to clear their heads and develop their problem solving skills.
These are my adopted parents. I’m quite proud of how quickly they pick things up and how well they've adapted to my lifestyle. I selected them over two years ago. I knew when they walked through the door that if every dog has its day, well… this was mine!
Humans can be pretty thick and often think they’re in charge, but I think I selected well. They have no idea how the game is played, and we would certainly like to keep it that way. Allow me to enlighten you. Contrary to popular belief, we make the choice of how and where we wish to spend our lives and with whom we prefer to spend it. Keep what I am about to tell you in the biscuit box. We don’t need them knowing this stuff and having it work against us in the future. After all…it's all about generations.
When humans first appear at the kennel, shelter or our birth parents home, we size them up pretty quickly. Are they in decent enough shape to give us the exercise and play we need, or plump and slow, remote-controlled slugs? Do they have friendly eyes? Are they young enough to grow with me? Do they have other charges; other dogs, cats or human offspring? Where do they live? Lifestyle is very important to us. Are they snappy dressers or all about sweats and tank tops? Don’t get me wrong here...there are plenty of dogs that prefer a slow moving lifestyle and who could care less about appearance, but not this pooch.
Once we’ve made our first impression and have quickly and expertly sized up our prospective life partners, we are forced to make somewhat hurried decisions. We must trust the instincts of the many generations of our breed and the tools they passed on to us.
This is how it works. Once we make eye contact with, and size up our prospect, we must act intuitively and quickly. If we don’t like what we see, a low, aggressive growl will deter most applicants. Angry eyes are good! Indifference is also a valuable tool. An angry BARK could seal it. As a last resort, we may go to the guaranteed ‘lunge with bared teeth’ routine.
Should we approve of our first impression, we go immediately to sweet and cuddly. Happy, laughing eyes with a playful personality, should work. Face and ear licking are very good, but we use our in-bred instincts here! Even some of the most adorable prospects might not appreciate that personal touch. Pathos often works! We never, and I mean never, have an accident while we’re choosing, unless of course, we wish not to make a stellar impression.
I don’t mean to be dogmatic here, but it’s very important that we don’t let on, even for a moment, that we are the ones in control. We act cute and lovable and spunky, but never to the point of disobedience. If we do feel they are catching on, we have been coached by our birth parents, to smile with our tongues out and cock our head to one side. Seems to break up their train of thought and endear them even more.
I chose well! My adopted parents have been relatively easy to train; a tad slow in the morning, but they’re coming along. They’ve learned to read me well and most orders are accommodated with a little thing I call BEM. A simple informative Bark, Eye contact and Motion. A little trick passed on by my mother to be taught to our human adoptees early in our relationship. All that is normally required is a single short bark that causes one or the other to glance my way. Once our eyes meet, I simply trot to my water or food bowl, stand by the door, pick up a ball or whatever else I determine important at the moment that adds to my pleasure and keeps them on their toes. Occasionally you may have to take more assertive action with an angry 'wake-up call', kind of bark!
If I had thumbs, I'm sure I wouldn’t need them as much. I often dream of opening doors on my own and cans of my favorite treats, without BEMing them.
Although they are kind of cute and fun to play with, sometimes they can be disobedient, distracted or quite annoying. This doesn't happen too often, and whenever I get hot under the collar, I have to remind myself, that they’re only human.
Well, I see they have energy to burn, so I’d better take them down to the park and run them around for a while. I try and take them to the park twice a day to socialize them with the other humans. It improves their communication skills and gives them a bit of a workout, while offering me the chance to catch up with old friends and meet new ones. All in all, a great way to spend some quality time with my loved ones.
Our time at the park is almost up and I’m dog-tired, and so hungry I could eat a horse! Time to leash them up and head for home. Catch ya’ on the flip side!